Pipe Down, I Don't Understand You

I am in a mood, you guys. Not a bad mood. Not even a mood of emotions. I am in the mood to go outside. All. Day. I was outside most of Saturday and Sunday. I think I have an “under the skin sunburn.” Not sure if those exist, but my skin hurts and there’s no sign of a burn. Except for the awkward sunburn on my left should and that side of my neck. It’s hot – as in attractive.

Saturday and Sunday I ran at Faulkner Park and I think I smiled the entire time. Even when mountain bikers weren’t saying “thank you!” to me for getting out of the way, I still smiled. It just makes me happy. I’ve decided that running on flat surfaces just is not enough fun for me. I kind of like getting my shoes caught under a root and almost falling over. It adds a level of excitement. I am not the most coordinated person in the world. This probably doesn’t happen to most people.

That said, I think I’m going to start training to, you know, compete in running things. Actually, I know I am going to start training. I’ve run a few races, but I think it’s about time to start competing with myself. I don’t care what everyone else is doing… Robert told me about some 10-mile thing I think in May that he said “You can totally do it!” He might not have said it exclamation mark-like, but I like to believe he did. But you’re right, Robert, I can totally do it, and I will.

It’s almost May.

I Digress.

Somewhat recently, I wrote blogs about things that I don’t understand and things that need to pipe down on Facebook. Well, I’m not done with those topics yet. Over the last few days, I’ve simply observed some things that need to pipe down because I don’t understand them.

Girls Who Wear Their Hair Down While Working Out.
This makes no sense to me. So if you have an explanation, it’s probably irrelevant and still won’t make sense to me. There is no logical explanation for this. I’m a girl, with long hair, who works out. Before I even put my shoes on, I pull my hair back. Even when I had a short bob (Which by the way was a great haircut because it was easy and wasn’t hot. But I like having long hair again because when I run my fingers through it, it’s far more dramatic.) I pulled my hair back into a little stub of hair. Why do you wear your hair down, girl who wears her hair down while working out?

For starters: That’s a hazard. One strand goes across your eye and you’re wearing a patch for a week! A headband can only help so much.

Second: It’s a lot cooler (I’m talking temperature here) to wear your hair back. I don’t need to elaborate on that obviousness.

Third: Your hair is getting tangled.

Fourth: It’s disgusting. You're running or in like a Zumba class or something, and you’re bouncing around all sweaty and your sweat is flying off of your hair onto me and I do not appreciate it. I take showers after working out to wash my sweat off of my body, I don’t allot time to wash yours off too.

If you can’t tell, I am a strong advocate for wearing your hair in a ponytail while working out.

The People's Republic Against Tim Tebow.
 I made that organization up, but it's all I could think to call all of you Tim Tebow haters out there!  What's the deal, you guys?  So things aren't working out as we planned.  It's OK, because Tim and I know that God has a plan for him and his talents.  He is a talented football player, you just can't see it!  I don't know why people pick on Tim Tebow.  I pick on Chris Bosh, but I think that's respectable.  I feel like he's a bully that needs a taste of his own medicine (I am what's wrong with society...), but Tim Tebow is a really nice fella.  He's a little goofy, and maybe he doesn't have the best arm in the world, but he's got beliefs and he stands by them.  Plus, I'd take him home to my mama and let him have lunch with my grandparents any day! 

People I Come Across Who Say "I'm Really Into Marketing And Sales."
 That's awesome, but do I look like a hiring agent?  A head hunter?  This is one of the reasons I try not to tell people I work in advertising.  As soon as you say that, everyone becomes an artist, a salesperson, loves marketing and creating brochures. Well guess what?  I work in advertising, I'm right-handed and when I draw it looks like a right-handed five-year-old drawing with their left hand.  I hate sales.  If you think all I do is create brochures, you are wrong!  I wrote a really punny headline last week and I'm realy proud of it.  Back off.  I don't care that you "also have a thing for advertising."  It's like owning a truck.  Don't let anyone outside of the people who see you often know that you have a truck.  You'll be the token "help me move" friend. 

People Who Don't Say Thank You.
 Sunday I was walking out of Barnes & Noble and there was a girl behind me.  So, what do I do?  The only proper thing and hold the door open for her.  She looked at me like I just threw a water balloon in her face and then walked on by.  Chick didn't even say thank you.  She's obviously not from here.  That is all. 

 Squirrels.
 Get your lives together, squirrels.  What the heck goes through your mind when you see a car coming?  Are you even thinking?  My neighborhood is squirrel-ridden.  They are everywhere, which also means there are a lot of dead squirrels that couldn't decide if they could run across the street, double-back, run again, and make it to the curb before they got hit.  In the time it takes you to decide which side of the street you want to be on, you get hit by a car and die.  Get yout stuff together, squirrels.  Get it together.

Internet Explorer
I have two browsers at work: Google Chrome (that I love) and Internet Explorer (that I didn't know was still around).  I thought it retired with Netscape Navigator.  Unless you're going to tell me that Netscape is also still around.  Try writing a blog in Internet Explorer.  It has no concept of paragraphs.  There are way too many toolbars that I can't seem to get rid of.  Internet Explorer is the Windows of Internet browsers.  They just keep coming out with a new one that just irritates me more than the last one.

 Professional Adults Who Don't Use Full Sentences In Speech And/Or Emails.
Twice in the past week, I've had to respond to emails with the following statements:
"I'm sorry, I don't understand.  That was not a complete sentence."
"What was your question?  Your email said 'So I just'."
Get it together.

Those Kids Who Sit At Starbucks.
I'm not talking about the squatters who order a shot of espresso and then go over to fill the rest of their cup with half-and-half and then sit in Starbucks on their laptops for hours on end (you know who you are).  I'm talking about those "kids" at the Starbucks on Rice Road who sit, stand, loiter, and get on my nerves outside on the patio.  There are RULES to sitting on the patio at Starbucks.
Rule #1 - No smoking near the door.
Rule #2 - You can't be out here if you don't have a Starbucks product.
But what do these "kids" do? (I use quotes because technically these people are young adults much like myself.)  They smoke by the door without Starbucks products.  They talk really loud, sometimes they yell, they go next door to Jason's Deli and steal ice cream cones because they are "complimentary" ice cream cones.  They are complimentary if you just ate at Jason's Deli!  There's like 15 of these "kids" sitting and standing and riding their long boards and fixies around the Starbucks patio and every time I'm there, I just want to yell "GET IT TOGETHER!"
But before I get to that point, a Starbucks employee comes outside and says. "If you don't have a Starbucks product you better buy one or you better leave."  So then they all say that this is "bull" and they leave.

I should have titled this blog "GET IT TOGETHER!"

I'm turning into grumpy old man...