Contentment. Makes No Sense.

A year ago yesterday, I set out on a journey.  I left this great land called Texas and found myself in Alaska.  This journey has brought me back to Texas…so I guess you could say that journey ended.  However, I see it differently.  Journeys change – they become wanderings.  I loved Alaska, and if I could have up there what I have here, I’d be content.  But I don’t think my family, friends and church family here would all be on board for moving to Alaska.  I also don’t ever want to be content.

There was a brief moment in my young adult life when I wanted contentment.  When you’re content, you’ve reached full capacity, and I don’t think I could function at full capacity.  I feel like I would feel empty and lonely.  I know in context that doesn’t make sense and comes off as an oxymoron, but it makes sense to me.

I live my life loving people the way that Christ loves people.  I expect, accept, anticipate, and love change.  I don’t settle for what’s in front of me and take the easy path in life.  I don’t use scapegoats.  I don’t stop praying.  I don’t stop trying to meet new people.  I keep trying to reach new and old people.

I don’t have room in my life for contentment.  My cup runneth over with love/overflows with blessings.  It has no room for being content.

How can your life not have room for contentment? I’m content in aesthetics and tangibles that I have, but…

My life is directed by my heart, and my heart continuously longs for God’s love.  Every day. My heart continuously longs to love people.  I can’t be at full capacity because I always have room for more.  God fills me up with love, and then wrings it out of me and onto others.

(See, I do pay attention at The Vineyard.)

This blog entry is brief, but it’s just letting you know that this is where my journey has taken me so far.  I wanted to be content and contentment brought me to not have room in my heart for what I really want: Love and to love and serve.

But thankfully, God has a perfect plan.  I am loved and I have the opportunity to love.  If I were still on my journey of contentment, I wouldn’t be going to Nicaragua in less than two months to spread God’s love.  I wouldn’t have wanted to, because I would have been content.

I will be content when God is done with me.

Psalms 23.