I Digress.
What happened to courting? The period of time two people use to get to know each other and establish a relationship - in an enduring kind of way. Sometimes we like to call it dating, but no I like to call it a courtship. Granted this is not the 19th century, but I still have my right to know where it went.
It seems to me that relationships are stuffed into t-shirt guns and are just being shot out these days. Sometimes when you know - you know. Why are we on this "need it now/can't wait" ship? Need a relationship now. Need to be married now.
Sorry.
I'll admit that I am "dating challenged" because I have this beautiful Walter Mitty-like dream of being wooed and courted like in the era of Jane Austen novels. I cannot stand Jane Austen novels, but you understand?
When it comes to romance, I am old-fashioned and conservative. Modern-day dating leaves me scratching my head and wondering why I was plucked from the wrong century (much like Hugh Jackman in Kate & Leopold). Let's imagine Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy asking the Ms. Elizabeth Bennet out on a date, except Mr. Darcy is speaking in "modern-day dating language":
Mr. Darcy: Hey, you're hot. Wanna hook up? I'll text you.
Elizabeth: *gasp*
Yeah - no.
Mr. Darcy was a gentleman and once upon a time there was something called "courtship." Their first date conversation would have probably gone something like this back then:
Mr. Darcy: Ms. Bennet, shall we have tea next Thursday afternoon? I shall arrange everything.
Elizabeth: Why, Mr. Darcy, I would be delighted to share tea and conversation with you. Thank you for your invitation.
Now things were more prim and proper in the 1800s, I get that. I'm certain all the straight-laced attitude would have been a bit stifling for my liking. Thanks to modern-day, I don't have to worry about being asked out for tea, worry about marrying the right man or even worry about getting married at all for that matter. Not saying I don't want to get married, because I do, but if I didn't I know I won't be the shame of my family.
Often I wonder what happened between then and now to the concepts of wooing and courtship. I miss the elegance and manners of a courtship.
For example, back then it was considered un-ladylike or un-gentlemanly to trifle with someone's affections. Why did that go away? That just seems like simple decency to me. I apologize if I'm trifling. Today, many people think nothing of being flaky and inconsiderate of someone else's time and feelings. Language is often disrespectful and rude. What happened to the art of being gracious?
Men sought the affections of the woman foremost versus seeking to get in her pants as quickly as possible. What happened to getting to know each other; seeing if you connect?
You should want to know what a man's intentions are. He doesn't have to tell you he intends on marrying you, but as women we want to know if he has honorable intentions. He should be a gentleman and have class and we should be ladies - "Always be a class act."
And ladies, a lady isn't desperate and a lady isn't clingy. The benefit of courting is you don't spend every second together. This is the time before a relationship that you find out if there will actually be a relationship.
Don't fret over it either. If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. Not every day, but when they can. If someone really wants to be with you, they will fly from the other side of the world to be with you. Nothing will stop them or get in their way. We deserve that kind of relationship.
I'm happy where I am for the time being. I'm not sure what ship or floatation device I am on right now. It's better to wait than settle. Maybe courting and wooing isn't dead, we just need to be reminded of it.
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