We're off track, guys! Focus!
I'm afraid of cruises and cruise ships and I think it's important to talk about this fear. I have a lot of irrational fears: Soup. Cereal. Aneurysms (I could write a book about that fear). Knives. Water Guns. Being Tickled. People Unexpectedly In My Bubble. All of which are a bunch of nonsense, but not cruises and cruise ships.
That's not nonsense and here's why:
Ship Captains.
I have a somewhat rational fear of any man who captains a boat/ship/anything. Because of the movie The Perfect Storm, I imagine all ship captains having a beard. We all know how I feel about facial hair - it scares me. So not only am I on this massive apparatus that floats on water, it's being controlled by a strange man with a beard. That's like being offered candy out of a van, I'm just saying.
That's A Large Floating Apparatus.
I don't know how a ship works, but I saw Titanic. If this thing gets a hole in it, we're going down. I understand, that has to be a pretty big hole, but I'm looking at the big picture here. The Celine Dion "My Heart Will Go On" overly played sized picture. It could happen and with my luck, it would happen while I'm on that cruise. Alanis Morissette's "Ironic" will probably be playing in the background.
Confined Space.
I get it - cruise ships are massive so really it's not a confined space. However, like I said, I saw Titanic and I watched Rose attempt to jump to her death and if Jack had not been so concerned, she would have done it. See what happens when you have no where to go but the ocean?
Carnival Cruise Lines.
OK, I'm not ever going on a Carnival Cruise. I have read enough articles about Carnival that have made me believe that all cruise lines are screwed up. Electricity goes off, food goes bad, hit an iceberg, you named it. It could happen and Carnival Cruise is what breaks the camel's back.
Old Men.
I actually fear this every day. On a ship, however, I feel like I'll be ogled for my goodies if I'm in my swim wear. Really, thank God I don't have a lot of goodies to be ogled.
Melanoma.
A cruise is a sure-fire way for me to have to go to the doctor and have him say "What did you do to your skin?" Boat. Sun. Water. Sun. Sorry. Then I'll just drown in medical expenses and I don't really want to have to go through that. It's not fun.
Sea Sickness.
I've never been out to sea, so I'm not even sure if I would get sea sick. That doesn't mean I'm not afraid of it. I've never even been car sick. I did throw up in Chase's car one time, but that had nothing to do with being in motion...I'm still sorry.
Tom Cruise.
Tom Cruise - Cruise Ship. It's just too close for comfort.
With all of that being said, I think going on a week-long cruise in the Caribbean sounds like an awesome way to spend my week of Thanksgiving.
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