It's me again. I'm 76% sure I wrote an open letter to you in 1999, but you never got back to me. I understand you were extremely busy tearin' up other girls' hearts. I'm not bitter. It's only been 14 years. That was a time in your life when you were very focused on your curly hair, blue tinted sunglasses, and holding hands with Brit Brit.
JT, (may I call you JT?) I have to get some things off of my chest. I am the prime example of the generation that fell in love with NSYNC, and by NSYNC I mean you. I have always been a JC Chasez girl, but there is a place in my heart for you too.
After NSYNC ended things in the early 2000's, my generation was lost without you. But you just couldn't leave us hanging out to dry. JT, you decided to become the solo artist you were born to be. It was hard for us NSYNCers at first. We couldn't respect you as a solo artist because, well, what about the other guys? You guys need each other.
You started making music. Good music. Sexy Back is one of the best things to happen to me, but for some reason you started radiating arrogance. You shaved off your curly locks. Your pants got smaller. You say you "brought sexy back," but did you really? Did it ever really leave? You hit a new level of douche-baggery when you decided to "make a comeback" this year. As if having an album called Future Sex/Love Sounds wasn't enough, you decided to become BFFs with Jay-Z and bring us the 20/20 Experience.
You have to be some kind of cocky to make an album with 10 songs that are all something like eight minutes long. You think you're so talented and entertaining that people are going to listen to you make noise for 80 minutes? Oh, because you've hosted SNL five times and Jimmy Fallon is your new brother? Because King Jay-Z and Queen Beyonce knighted you? Is that why?
Well, you know what JT? You got me. As much as I don't want to love you anymore because your head is so big and your ties are so skinny, I can't stop. I try to stop, but your 20/20 Experience album is indeed an experience.
You start a song and it's fantastic, then it trails off into a place completely different around the 5:00 mark. What the heck? That doesn't belong with this song! Then you end back where you started, and I want more. Eight minutes just doesn't seem like enough sometimes.
To make it worse, you decided that your music is such an amazing experience you needed to give us the 20/20 Experience pt. 2. What?! You just gave us an album. You couldn't hold off until 2014? You have that much creativity? Do we crave your experience so much that we have to have 11 new songs this year?
Yes.. I'm listening to it right now. I could listen to TKO and Drink You Away all day. I think I have before. Why is this happening? Just leave me alone. I hate you because you're so full of yourself. You don't care about anyone but yourself and probably Jay-Z.
But I love you. You've got that tunnel vision for me. You say so in your music. The beats on both 20/20 Experience albums send me into a trance and I can't help me dance at my desk while working. I don't even realize it sometimes. You're taking over my mind and my dance movement.
Drake. That is all.
Stop it. I can't carry on like this. I can't continue to be hot and cold for you. It ends up just being lukewarm. It's not healthy carrying on a relationship like this. I know I'll never get that southern gentleman back, but please look in the mirror and realize that you too are human.
And then sing Only When I Walk Away because I like that one...a lot. A whole lot.
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| Whatever, I love you. |
Love Always,
Brooke Randolph
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