If you're not my family, close friends, or church group I haven't told you that I moved back to Texas. I haven't been back long, so don't ask me for how long and why. Bitches be crazy. Don't ask me.
My days of not being in a bad mood have been numbered, but I'm not sitting around throwing a pity party for myself. I'm really upset at how hot is. I can complain about that. That's OK. Some days are awesome, some days are subpar. Out of sheer embarrassment, I've pretty much kept to myself since I've been back. I've gone to church and that's just about my extent of a social life.
Now it's time to break out of this slump, maybe it's time. I do not have control over time. I do have control over my attitude and mood. A friend of mine told me today, "The only piece of advice I could give is that you need to let your guard down a little. There are so many funny, interesting thoughts and observations bouncing around in your head. You need to speak up and let people around you know how awesome you are. Don't be afraid of judgment. If it's meant to be, they'll be okay with whoever you are inside. " Agreed, and appreciated. Yeah, I copy and pasted that. Leave me alone.
I don't regret moving. I wouldn't change that for anything. I enjoyed every second of that move. I learned a lot about myself. I made a couple of awesome friends that I hope to be friends with until they can't stand me anymore. I got to be with one of my best friends day in and day out. I'm happy with that.
I feel like at 25, almost 26, maybe I should have it figured out by now. No. No I shouldn't. It's not a requirement to figure it out while you're in your twenties. Which is why I'm writing a book called "My So Called Young Adult Life." There are no names or no reasonings in this book just for other people's sake. I'm going to give you a little insight on some of the things I've jotted down so far. You're Welcome:
I've got some chapter titles such as, "When Does it Begin?" "You Shot Who in the What, Now?" "Breakfast of Champions."
I don't remember some of the other ones because my flash drive is in the other room. One of the most important, vital, and truthful parts that I have written has to do with food.
"If you want to know what kind of day I am having, ask me what I ate for breakfast. I wake up in a mood and I usually stay in that mood for the day. I have three types of breakfast moods: No breakfast - normal day, big breakfast - fantastic day, Goldfish and peanut butter M&M's for breakfast - get out of my way.
The day I got back to Texas, I ate flavor-blasted, cheddar Goldfish and a bag of peanut butter M&M's for breakfast. I figuratively ate my feelings. I was actually in Minneapolis, sitting on the floor, eating junk and drinking the worst coffee in the world. It was 5:45 in the morning; there were open seats in my terminal, but because I was eating my feelings I felt like making a statement by sitting on the floor.
...If you really want to know how my day progresses, ask me what I ate for lunch. The day I was going to the airport, I had a turkey, bacon, avocado sub from Subway and some vodka, raspberry lemonade. They don't serve that in Subway. I made it myself. It made packing a lot easier. Then I got back to Texas and my luggage smelled of nail polish because I didn't pack those very well. Then I cried.
Don't drink your feelings."
So there's that. Today I realized that like most women, I've got a little crazy in me. So for all you guys out there not wanting to date someone who is crazy, you better just stay single. However, when I realized that I started feeling a little crazy, I approached the situation. It wasn't comfortable for me, and I didn't know what the outcome would be. The outcome has made me feel better. That part of my crazy has flown out of the window for now.
Yesterday, I realized that I am getting older. Not because I want to settle down one day and have a family, but because I went into Rue 21 and immediately had to evacuate. It overwhelmed me.
The only thing I know about my life right now is that there is so much adventure to be had. I got to live in Alaska. Once you go up there and see how beautiful it is day in and day out, it's hard coming back to the south. Though I know my friends won't truly enjoy it, but I believe they will support it, I've pretty much decided to move to Temple, live with my brother, save money and far sooner than later move back to the mountains. I won't be going back to Alaska unless it's vacation, but for the past seven or so years, I've wanted to live in the Denver area. I'm still a young adult, I can do that.
The beauty of being a young adult is you're old enough to be considered an adult and young enough to still make some crazy, life-changing decisions and there's not much holding you back. I don't have a single thing holding me back. I haven't for quite some time.
Who knows, maybe while I'm in Temple, something will happen and I'll want to stay around there. Maybe I'll end up somewhere else. If there's anything I've learned in my young adult life, it's that we can't really plan our futures. We can plan what we are going to do right now. The present is your independent variable and your future is your dependent. What you're doing correlates with what will happen. Focus on what you're doing.
Just remember that grace waits. "God's not waiting on you to get your shit together. He's just waiting for you." - Jamie Wright.
Romans 6:14
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