I Want A Cookie

I am going to workout after work.  It has to be done.  Get in my 7-Day trial at Premier Fitness.  Last time I tried to start it, it didn't happen.  Those were unavoidable circumstances.  I'm starting to feel "fluffy."  Not that that is even remotely possible, but I feel like I'm packing on a winter coat.

I'm also feeling crafty and I have no idea why.  Last night I watched Dara draw and Chase do homework.  I felt pretty much useless.

I Digress.

I firmly believe there are certain things in life that we need to take into account.  We as in all of us - not just me.  As I get older, because I'm ancient and all, I've come to realize a great deal of things I've taken advantage of.  A great deal of things that I don't understand.  A great deal of things that should be different.

As I mature I guess I should say.  Not as I get older.  Seriously, how old do you think I am?  I'm in my prime, people.

This list needs to be shared.  

Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment when you're in an argument and you realize you are wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to take a nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it is going to strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray?
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I would like to save changes to my 10-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means: I will never wash this - ever.
14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but immediately call back and it rings nine times and then voicemail.  What did you do after I didn't answer?  Drop the phone and run away?
15. I hate leaving my apartment confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone I know.  What a waste.
16. I keep some people's numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I bet that on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.  
19. I wish Google Maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing.
20. Sometimes I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and realize that I had no idea what the heck was going on the first time I watched it.
21. I would rather carry in 10 overloaded plastic bags in each hand than have to make two trips to bring in the groceries.
22. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before just smiling and nodding because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
25. Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty.  Pants?  Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
26. There's no worse feeling than the millisecond you're sure you're about to die when you lean your chair back too far.
27. As a driver, I hate pedestrians.  As a pedestrian, I hate driver.  No matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
28. Sometimes I look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
29. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

Seriously, make sure I go workout tonight.  There is no excuse.  I want a cookie. 

I can thank Pinterest for this blog.