I'm going to start up a new blog/website about online dating. It will be called "The No Corvette Game." You saw it here first - it's going to happen. The site will belong to Teresa and me, and we think that between ourselves and the friends that we have, we'll be successful.
It won't be about horror stories or stories of awesomeness. It's going to be a "You need help, let me help you" site.
Guys, if you select that you have an athletic build - have one.
Girls, if you select that you are thin - be thin.
Guys, if you say you're 6' - be 6'. If you're shorter than me, you're not 6'.
Girls, if you don't like the outdoors - don't like the outdoors.
Online profiles need to be 100% honest. No questions about it, because guess what, you're going to meet some of these people. Don't meet all of them, that's never a good idea. If you don't want to date a smoker, don't date a smoker. You guys, in some instances, don't even put a band-aid on that will have to be ripped off later.
Girls are the worst, the absolute worst, at saying how there are not any good men out there. If you have to say that, you might as well delete all 75 of your profiles. It will be just as effective as having one. Girls also have a habit of stating all the things they don't want - in their "About Me" section. What an explanation.
Guys tend to say exactly what they want: "She's between 5'3 and 5'8 with brown hair, brown eyes, British accent, porcelain skin..." Sorry guys, Kate Beckinsale is not on Plenty of Fish.
The worst part is the email section. And this is why:
"You have nice hair:)
Your shoulders are so broad - does that mean you enjoy Yoga, you know what they say about women with broad shoulders right!"
"My name is *****, I just read over your profile.
Witty banter is welcome <--- I love Witty Banter.
Just looking for someone to go on adventures with me, has a good head on their shoulders, and knows what they want. <---- That's what I want
I''m feisty and animated< --- me too
Wow, I am reading your profile, I would like to meet you. Do you have a dog? I have a Texas Hell Hound named Vicious Teddy. Would you like to meet him? He is really smart, he can open doors with his paws and magically appear out of thin air.
Oh a little about me, I design oil tankers and I want to build a house out of shipping containers and maybe start my own construction business. Im creative like a mad scientist and I have an eye for detail. Sometimes I speak of myself in the third person. Muwahhh!
Also I can be sarcastic, but im very kind and generous once you get to know me.
Would you like to get to know me?"
(No.)
"You seem pretty cool. I hope you never get mauled by a polar bear." <--- Rachel.
"I am determined that my next relationship will be with a tall, attractive redhead. Throughout my years I've had several crushes but I've never had a shot at any of them. I will admit that what I'm looking for is intimidating, but I'm learning how to be brave and just go for it. Live music is what I do. I have an unbelievable voice and I'm a great pianist. I'm also a songwriter and hopeless romantic and that is reflected in how I write. This would be a special opportunity to me because to me, you aren't the average girl. I don't know what else to say except, you are very beautiful and seem like an interesting women who I'd love to get to know"
You guys, I don't make these things up. I don't have enough time on my hands to make these things up. Something is wrong with the online dating world filter, and I am going to change that.
For the love of Picaken! Get in line.
I've seen it all, and I'm still surprised.
I've seen it all, and I'm still surprised.
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